You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
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