i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize