Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Randomize
