Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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