so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
