I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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