I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
