she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
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