dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
