i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
My bed smells like the plague
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
