i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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