found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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