I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
