oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
