I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
