508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
