it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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