Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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Sorry Ackaholikz_UNITE hasn't picked any favorites yet.

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(631): View more from New York

By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.

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(520): View more from Arizona

I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever

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(970): View more from Colorado

And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out

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(334): View more from Alabama

thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week

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(256): View more from Alabama

The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?

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(727): View more from Florida

You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???

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