I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
