So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
