Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
