OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
