Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Someone came in the potted fern
They are going to name an STD after you.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
