Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
