The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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