We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
