Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
