there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
