This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
