I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
