I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Green mimosas i think yes
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
