basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
