He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
