someone threw a dead crab at me
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize