I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
You made out with two different species that night
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
My dick has a subreddit
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
