I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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