I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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