the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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