I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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