plz talk dirty to me
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
