Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
