were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
