chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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