It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
