My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
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