So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
