all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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