my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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