and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I deserve to be covered in dicks
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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