there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
