your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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