i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
