I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
