I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
