Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
