I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
