90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
