I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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