We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I see more hoeing in ur future
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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