The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
