Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
