Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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