she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
