My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
