Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
