Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
