I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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