I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Randomize