It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
PANTIES FOUND
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