It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
