I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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