You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
