what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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