just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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