This house was built for laser tag.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
