Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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